Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Breakup Episode

Thank you for your kind attention. Maybe it's time we had a little talk.

In honor of St. Valentine's Day we are BREAKING UP.

We're doing it in a public place, so you don't freak out. And we're handing out CONVERSATION HEARTS to soften the blow.

Please converge upon the Warehouse Theater on Monday February 12 at 7:30PM whereupon, the F.W. THOMAS PERFORMANCES will play host to THE WORLD'S FIRST-EVER BREAKUP SLAM.

And we're asking for your help.

In addition to our ALL-STAR lineup of presenters, we're opening the podium up to that most dreaded of all show-biz tropes: AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION.

To wit: We are looking for BREAKUP STORIES, EMBARRASSING LOVE LETTERS (THOSE RECEIVED and THOSE WRITTEN AND MERCIFULLY UNSENT) and OTHER ASSORTED TALES of ROMANTIC WOE. Possbily including:
  • Transcripts of Instant Messenger dumpings
  • Excerpts from restraining orders taken out by celebrity crushes and delivered via process server
  • Primary school Valentine's cards woefully misinterpreted by you

The audience participation portion of the evening will be modeled after a poetry slam. As is the case in a poetry slam, performers will be expected to be dynamic and brief.

Unlike a poetry slam, you will be expected to be funny and interesting.

If you want to participate but require convincing, please reply to this e-mail. I will send you a soothing personal message to tell you that everything is happening for the best, and we will surely remain friends. The kind of friends who never speak, intermittently stalk each other online and have awkward run-ins at group house parties.

Please also thrill to the contributions of:
  • F.W. Thomas artist-in-residence Mike Lowery, presenting sad but beautiful excerpts from his cartoon diary
  • Violinist Gino Madrid providing (we hope) musical accompaniment to your stories
  • Fiction writer Matthew Summers-Sparks with a story of a breakup so gut-wrenchingly hilarious that we can only hope it isn't based on fact
  • As always, your host and lifelong spammer Adam Mazmanian, presenting a 10-year-old love story that still feels as fresh as an incriminating schmear of trace evidence
The Warehouse Theater is located at 1017-1021 7th Street NW. It is a short and not altogether unpleasant walk from the Chinatown/Gallery Place Metro. Phone is 202-783-3933. Admission is the newly-unreasonable sum of $5.

Read about the F.W. Thomas Performances in the Washington Post

If you care to attend, perhaps signal your intentions on Upcoming.org

Please feel free to pass this notice along to any of your friends whom you think would be similarly provoked, or to post it word-for-word on your blog.

3 comments:

Russ said...

Adam, according to my calculations derived from years of experience and a Ph.D. in Calendar Science from the University of eBay, I've determined that February 2nd won't be falling on a Monday until 2009. Please confirm that the evening of ritual incantations, idol worship and flop sweat will occur on Monday the 12th, as I can't delay these urgent matters for another two years.

Oh, and how do I get myself off that about.com mailing list? I've decided to quit the Internets.

MAZ said...

You are correct. I have made the change.

The best way to get off an about.com mailing list is to legally change your name and move to a country that restricts internet usage to party leadership.

Dori said...

Adam - I have never been so thoroughly entertained by googling someone. I wish I'd known about the breakup slam -- I have a story best summed up by The Guy In Question saying to me, with actual incredulity, "But I'm WORTH herpes!" He never could wrap his mind around why I broke it off, bless him. Anyway, you'll probably never see this, but in case you do, enjoyed your write up of Virgin Fest. I had to buy a copy of the Washington Times to read it... I feel dirty. Let me know if you decide to take your act on the road anywhere near NYC -- dorilynneld(at)gmail(dot)com.
-Dori (met you after Spoon)